Arthur's New Computer
by Dead Composer
Summary: Will the Reads' new computer turn Arthur into a zombie?


This fic is rated G.

----

After finishing school on a Friday in January, Arthur and Buster plopped down on the couch in the Reads' living room so they could watch an episode of the new TV show Bunny League.

"And now, the adventures of the greatest super-team of all time! Bionic Bunny! Dark Bunny! Amazon Bunny! Green Bunny! Fast Bunny! Hawk Bunny! Martian Bunny! When one hero is not enough, you need...The Bunny League!"

"This new show is so cool!" said Buster.

D.W. poked her head into the living room. "Is it over yet?" she whined.

"It's only started," said Arthur.

In the episode, all of the members of the Bunny League except for Dark Bunny had been captured by the evil Webmaster (the Riddler-like villain with an at-symbol on his shirt who briefly appeared in "Bitzi's Beau"). Each of the captive heroes was shackled in a chair and facing a computer terminal.

"In a matter of seconds, my mind-control waves will spread through the entire Internet," the Webmaster boasted. "All who are logged on will become my zombie slaves!"

"You won't get away with this, Webmaster!" snarled Amazon Bunny.

"What's to stop me?" said the Webmaster mockingly. "Your campy dialogue?"

"Dark Bunny is still free," Martian Bunny pointed out. "He will put an end to your evil."

"Don't expect Dark Bunny to save you," was the Webmaster's response. "He's the only member of your team without super powers, yet look how the rest of you ended up! Muwahahahaha!"

Half a mile away, Dark Bunny himself was racing toward the Webmaster's lair on his powerful Bunny Cycle. The cybervillain's hideout was a large building in the shape of a computer, with an at-symbol emblazoned on the front. And, as Dark Bunny soon learned, its first line of defense was a large moat teeming with ravenous creatures.

"Sharks!" exclaimed Dark Bunny.

Not to be deterred, he accelerated the Bunny Cycle in an attempt to pick up as much speed as possible. As the supercharged motorbike reache the edge of the moat, he pushed a button on the control panel, generating a rocket blast that lifted the cycle into the air. The sharks snapped at him as the cycle sailed over them and landed safely on the other side. Dark Bunny then stopped the cycle, turned to look back at the moat, and shook his head.

"So early in the series, too," he mused. "This is not a good sign."

In the Webmaster's control center, the archvillain was counting down the seconds until his scheme reached fruition. "Five...four...three...two...one...now!" He flipped a switch, and blasts of weird radiation shot from the computer terminals, striking the captive heroes.

"Must...resist..." mumbled Bionic Bunny as he squirmed and struggled against the mind-numbing waves.

The same waves were at that moment jumping from computer to computer, saturating the Internet and spreading across the world. A dog woman in Kentucky had just logged on to the Woohoo web site from her home computer when the waves poured from the terminal and swept through her brain. "I am yours to command, Webmaster," she said in a zombie-like tone.

In the Reads' living room, Arthur and Buster held their breaths as the suspenseful scene unfolded. "Is it over yet?" asked D.W., poking her head in the room again.

"No!" shouted the two boys.

It appeared as if the Webmaster might succeed, as throngs of computer users fell under his influence. "Muwahahaha!" he gloated. "Soon the entire world will be in my power!"

No sooner had he said this, when a rope suddenly wound around him and bound him tightly. None other than Dark Bunny leaped from the rafters to confront the villain. "Time to go offline, Webmaster!" the superhero exclaimed.

"I don't think so, Dork Bunny," said the Webmaster as he fought to free himself from his bonds. "I still have one active connection left."

Behind him, the other members of the Bunny League stepped out from the shadows. They all wore glazed expressions, as if under hypnosis.

"Bunny League!" the Webmaster ordered. "Destroy him!"

"Yes, Webmaster," they droned in unison.

As the camera zoomed in on Dark Bunny's terrified countenance, the words To Be Continued appeared on the screen.

"To Be Continued?" groused Buster. "How can they leave us hanging like this? Does the world get saved or doesn't it?"

"We have to wait a whole week to find out," Arthur groaned. "I guess that's how they keep us watching." He called to D.W. "It's over!

Only a second passed before his little sister entered the room. "But Buster said it was To Be Continued," she pointed out.

"Next week," explained Arthur as he rose from the couch. "To be continued next week."

"Okay, whatever," said D.W. as she jumped into the warm spot where her brother had been sitting.

"You can watch your Mary Moo Cow reruns now," said Arthur as he and Buster were starting up the stairway.

"I'm all done with Mary Moo Cow," said D.W. "I have a new favorite show now. Pony Tales!"

"Pony Tales?" Buster stopped in his tracks. "I haven't seen that one."

A little boy and girl appeared on the screen as D.W. changed the channel. "I wish, I wish, with all my might, to ride with ponies in a land of light!" they chanted.

Arthur grimaced. "I'm gonna be sick."

"I'm gonna be sicker," added Buster.

The next character to appear on the TV was a two-headed pony. One of the heads was a girl, the other was a boy.

"I'm so confused," said the pony's girl head.

"So am I," said the boy head.

Arthur and Buster hurried from the room, leaving D.W. in her viewing ecstasy.

Then Buster lowered his voice. "Arthur, do you really think computers can do that?"

"Do what?"

"What they did on the show. Take over your mind, turn you into a zombie, that sort of thing."

"I don't know, Buster," Arthur replied. "I know the Webmaster's not a real person, but maybe Bill Gates or someone like that has the ability to...well, I just don't know. I'll have to do a little research. Stay here."

Arthur went into the kitchen, where his mother was sitting and reading an issue of PC Geek magazine. Kate was seated in the high chair, eating and making her usual mess, while Pal lay on the floor, blissfully asleep.

"Mom, can I ask you something?" said Arthur.

"Certainly," said Mrs. Read.

"Can computers take over your mind?"

"No."

Satisfied, Arthur returned to where Buster was standing. "The answer is no."

"Your mom told you that?"

"Yeah."

"I hope she's right," said the slightly worried rabbit boy. As he headed for the front door, he suddenly had a thought. "Wait a minute. Your mom spends so much time in front of the computer. What if she's already been taken over?"

"Don't be silly," said Arthur. "You think I wouldn't know if my own mother was a zombie?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right," said Buster "I'll see you tomorrow."

After Buster had put on his coat and left the house, Arthur, now bored, wandered back into the living room. He made a disgusted face as he watched the proceedings on D.W.'s favorite kid's show.

"What's the matter?" the little girl asked him. "Too highbrow for you?"

"You wish."

Then Mrs. Read stepped into the room, clutching her magazine. "Speaking of computers," she said, "since tomorrow's Saturday, how would the two of you like to come with me to shop for a new computer?"

"Yeah!" Arthur and D.W. grinned with excitement.

"Except that I'm going to Buster's in the morning to play a new computer game," said Arthur.

"Oh, you and your computer games," Mrs. Read chided him. "Fine, we'll go after lunch."

When she returned to the kitchen, she found Mr. Read pulling some flour out of the cabinet. She sat down again and opened her magazine.

"How are the roses, Dave?" she asked.

"They were a little thirsty," her husband replied.

"Arthur just asked me the funniest question," said Mrs. Read.

"What's that?"

"He wanted to know if computers can take over your mind."

"What did you tell him?"

"No."

"Why didn't you tell him the truth?"

Mr. Read's quip caused them both to chuckle. Arthur, still standing in the living room, heard the statement and swallowed nervously. He quickly pressed his ear to the wall in order to hear better what his parents were saying.

"Let me tell you about the computer that's taken over my mind," Mrs. Read told her husband. "The Dill 5000. Here, take a look."

She showed him an advertisement in her magazine, which featured the face of a smiling young man who said, "Dude! Before you get in a pickle, get a Dill!"

"I hate that guy," said Mr. Read.

"But you gotta admit, the technology is impressive," said his wife.

"Just show me the price tag."

"Twelve hundred dollars. Which is less than we paid for the old one, five years ago."

"And we need this, why?"

Mrs. Read adopted a weary tone. "Tax season is coming up, and you know how busy that makes me. With a more powerful computer, I should be able to finish the work in a fraction of the time, which would allow me to do other things with my life."

"Isn't the old one powerful enough?"

"Not compared to the Dill 5000. Look at it, Dave. 500 gigahertz processor speed, 320 gigabytes of hard drive space, two gigabytes of RAM. It's so powerful, it's almost omnipotent!"

"But can it take over your mind?" joked Mr. Read.

"I'm sure it can. In fact, I'll bet it could even make Arthur and D.W. get along with each other."

Arthur's heart overflowed with horror at the sound of his mother's words. He staggered to the couch and sat down, his face frozen in shock.

A few moments passed. Arthur's parents came into the room, and he gasped with fright when he saw them. He fantasized that they were not really human beings, but alien cyborgs with implants throughout their bodies.

"You will be assimilated," droned Mr. Read.

"Resistance is futile," added Mrs. Read.

"What do you kids want for dinner?" asked Mr. Read, who once again appeared human to Arthur's eyes.

"Egg foo yung!" exclaimed D.W.

"Is that okay with you, Arthur?"

"Uh, I don't feel like assimilating...I mean, eating right now," the boy choked out.

The phone rang. Hoping for any excuse to get away from his parents, Arthur jumped to his feet and ran to answer it. Sue Ellen's voice greeted him.

"Hi, Arthur."

"Oh, hi, Sue Ellen."

"How about another game of go tonight?"

"Sure," said Arthur. "Let's see...the last game of go we played went on for what, four hours? Perfect! That should keep me out of the house for most of the evening. I'll be right over."

"What about dinner?"

Oh, yeah, dinner. Uh..."

"You can have dinner here," Sue Ellen invited him. "My mom always cooks extra. We're having wild rice and lentils."

"Great!" said Arthur. "I'll be there in a minute. Bye."

"Where are you going?" asked his mother as he reached for his coat.

"Should I tell her?" Arthur wondered silently.

"I'm going to Sue Ellen's for dinner and a game of go," he replied.

"Okay, but be back before it's dark."

"But Mom, it's January!" Arthur protested.

"Then be back before it's too dark."

"Okay, Mom."

Several hours passed, and Arthur finally returned to his house. "It's pretty dark out there," said his mother as he took off his coat.

"Sorry, Mom," said Arthur flatly.

"How was your game?"

"I lost again. She tells me I'll never beat her as long as my brain is stuck in checkers mode."

"Then we'll just have to change the way you think," said Mrs. Read.

Arthur's eyes went wide with fear.

"What's wrong?"

"There's nothing wrong with the way I think," Arthur insisted. "I happen to like the way I think. You may be my mother, but you don't have the RIGHT to change the way I think!"

"Arthur, what are you..."

"I'M A HUMAN BEING, NOT A ROBOT!"

The boy covered his mouth, embarrassed by his sudden rude outburst.

"When did I ever say you were a robot?" asked his mother.

"I'm sorry," said Arthur meekly.

"We can talk about it later if you want," said Mrs. Read. "Now go take your bath and get ready for bed."

While Arthur climbed the stairway toward the bathroom, Mrs. Read went to join her husband in front of the TV. The pair snuggled romantically on the couch.

"Dave," Mrs. Read remarked, "I'm starting to think that the Armstrongs are a bit too liberal for our son to be spending so much time with them."

"Hmm," grunted her husband, distracted by the TV.

"We've seen this one already," Mrs. Read pointed out.

"We've seen 'em all"

On the TV screen, aardvark versions of Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock stood before a massive futuristic computer. "Humans are aggressive and adversarial," the machine intoned. "They must be either controlled or destroyed."

"But...if...you...seek...to...destroy...humans...then...you...become...the...aggressor," said Aardvark Kirk with his usual pretentious pauses.

"I did not consider that," said the computer. "I must be imperfect."

"A logical conclusion," said Aardvark Spock.

"Self-destruct sequence initiated," said the computer.

"Now there's the kind of computer I want," said Mrs. Read.

"One that blows up when it makes a mistake?"

----

The next morning, Buster was playing on his computer when he heard a loud, frantic knocking on the front door. When he opened it, Arthur bolts inside.

"Buster, I'm in trouble," said the frightened boy. "I don't know what to do."

"What is it? How can I help?"

"My mom and dad are gonna buy this super-powerful computer that can control minds!" the aardvark boy ranted. "And they're gonna use it to make me...to make me...BE NICE TO D.W.!"

Begin Arthur fantasy sequence.

"You did it!" bellowed Arthur as he once again argued with his sister.

"No, you did it!" retorted D.W.

"No, you did it!"

"Arthur! D.W.!" scolded Mrs. Read when she witnessed their feuding. "Oh, what am I thinking?"

Rather than try to break them up, she sat down in front of the new Dill 5000 computer and double-clicked on an icon resembling Arthur's head with an angelic halo, with the label 'Make Arthur Behave'.

"No, you did it!" shouted D.W.

"No, you..." Arthur began, when he suddenly went stiff. His eyes glazed over, and a dopey grin appeared on his face. "It was my fault Dad's soufflé was ruined, and nobody else's," he droned. "I'm sorry I did it. D.W. had nothing to do with it. She is a perfect little angel. You may now proceed to punish me."

D.W. embraced Arthur warmly. "You're such a good big brother."

"Punish me. Punish me. Punish me..."

End Arthur fantasy sequence.

"It's too horrible to imagine," Arthur lamented.

"Relax," said Buster. "My mom explained it to me last night."

"Explained what?"

"Computers can't take over your mind. That sort of thing only happens on TV, not in real life."

"What...?" was all the startled Arthur could say.

"Take off your coat and let's play," Buster urged him. "I've made it to level 7 of 'Dark Bunny: Day of Wrath'."

Arthur became even more frantic. "Buster...? THEY'VE GOTTEN TO YOU, TOO!"

"You're scaring me," said Buster sternly. "Do you want to play or not?"

Confused and terrified, Arthur glanced over at Buster's computer and realized that it must have played a role in his friend's change of attitude...

"NOOOOOO!"

He ran all the way back to his house, not daring to even breathe. Finding his mother in the kitchen, he wrapped himself around her leg and squeezed tightly.

"Mom, please don't buy that computer!" he begged. "I promise I'll be good! I'll tell the truth! I'll share my stuff with D.W.!"

"What's gotten into you?" asked the confused Mrs. Read. "I thought you wanted a new computer."

"He doesn't like computers," said D.W. mockingly. "He's afraid of computers. He's afraid of being replaced by a computer."

"Am not!" insisted Arthur, releasing his grip on his mother's leg.

"Mom, can we get a computer to replace Arthur?" asked D.W. eagerly.

"No, we can't."

"Darn."

"Arthur, would you mind telling me why you've been acting so strangely?" Mrs. Read demanded.

"Okay, I'll tell you," the boy replied, "but you have to promise not to buy that computer."

"I don't know if I can keep that promise."

"He's afraid of the zombie waves," said D.W. playfully.

Arthur and Mrs. Read could only gape.

"Zombie waves! Zombie waves!" cried D.W., running about and waving her arms. "Oh, no! They've got me! I'm doomed!" The girl stretched out her arms and rolled her eyes. "I...am...in...your...power..."

"What are you talking about?" Arthur asked her.

"Duh, Arthur," said D.W., lowering her arms. "The zombie waves are what the bad guy on the Bunny Legs show used to take over the world."

"That's Bunny League," Arthur corrected her. "And how did you know about it?"

"I was listening," said D.W. incredulously. "I'm smarter than you think. Yeesh! And you think the shows I watch are stupid. At least Mary Moo Cow never tried to take over the world with zombie waves."

"It's just a stupid show, Mom," said Arthur.

"Then why are you so afraid of getting a new computer?"

"Because I heard you talking with Dad, and you said the new computer can take over your mind," Arthur admitted.

Mrs. Read laughed. "That was only a joke. When I said the computer had taken over my mind, what I meant was that I really, really wanted to buy it."

"But you said you wanted to use the computer to make me and D.W. get along with each other."

"Right," said Mrs. Read jokingly. "As if they'll ever invent a computer with that kind of power."

"Arthur, this is the point in the story where you realize what a doofus you've been," D.W. reminded her brother.

"I've been such a doofus," Arthur acknowledged. "Buster tried to explain it to me, but I wouldn't listen. I guess that's what I get for believing what I see on TV."

"It's my fault too," said Mrs. Read. "I wouldn't have said the things I did

if I'd thought you would take them seriously."

"It's okay, Mom," said Arthur. "Can we go computer shopping now?

"Yay!" D.W. cheered.

----

That same afternoon, Mrs. Read was busy transferring the data from her old computer to the new Dill 5000. While Arthur watched the process with interest, D.W. managed to find new ways to torment him.

"I...am...a...zombie..." she mumbled, shuffling around the room with her arms stretched out.

"Mom, tell her to cut it out!" Arthur complained. "Is there a button on that thing to make D.W. stop being a zombie?"

"No, there isn't," said Mrs. Read. "Cut it out, D.W."

"I...hear...and...obey..."

"Moooomm!"

"Well, that's not a bad-looking computer," said Mr. Read as he entered the room. "And you're not bad-looking either, honey."

"It's so much faster than the old one," Mrs. Read enthused. "I should be able to work ten fewer hours per week, and the kids' games should work better too."

"All right!" D.W. exulted. "Now I can play the Crazy Bus game twice as much!"

"Oh, man," Arthur groaned.

"We spent a lot of money," said Mr. Read, "but we got something in return."

"More time together as a family," added Mrs. Read. "Group hug, everyone!"

As Arthur, D.W., and their parents embraced each other, the screen faded to black. However, as the usual PBS Kids website promo began, the camera drew back to reveal a little (human) boy who was watching the end of the Arthur show. Nearby, his mother slaved away on a computer.

"Mom," asked the little boy, "does having a computer really give you more time with your family?"

"That sort of thing only happens on TV, not in real life," replied his mother.

THE END


End file.
